If I could relive the last week, would I?
It’s been strange. You see I have been working full time for the first time in my life. It has been five weeks in this new position, and although I don’t really know what I’m doing and I’m still not sure whether I’m capable of this particular job, I am still there.
I still get up at 6.30am, get the first bus at 7.30am, the second at 8.05am, get to work around 8.30am, greet the people I work with, sit at my desk and begin by 8.45am. That is my morning routine.
However, at the end of last week one ear stopped working and I developed a chest infection. I tried to push through it, but eventually I was sent home. A doctor’s appointment concluded with a strict instruction not to go back to work, and a heavily signed sick note.
This entire week was a backtrack to my unemployed days.
Instead of getting up early, I’d get out the bed around 9.30am, have a breakfast that takes longer than five minutes to prepare and fill the day with rubbish television. It was like going back in time rather than repeating it. I’ve hated it.
I realised what a lazy meaningless routine I had developed over those years. How selfish it felt. How bored I really was.
Yes, I started designing and painting a new canvas when I felt back to normal. So yes, I had something to focus on. But it just wasn’t the same. I wasn’t surrounded by a variety of people, chatting at the printer, walking into town at lunch.
Instead I was sat on my bed or on the floor.
Yes, I sit at work and wait for answers to emails and phone calls, I wait to hear agreements and wait to be taught different skills and wait to be given new instructions. But this week I’ve been waiting for the beginning of a television programme, waiting for the eggs to boil, waiting for the first coat of paint to dry.
Not exactly comparable.
Lots of people call their working week the Groundhog days of their life. Following a routine of getting to work, logging onto their computer, answering the expected emails, dealing with the expected phone calls and attending the pre-planned meetings.
However, that isn’t my groundhog week. That is my new life. That is my new structure. It can be tiring. It can be boring, confusing or difficult. It can be all the negatives in the world, but it can never be as depressing as the nothingness of unemployment.