What do you do when you come face to face with a person that once was a friend, but now simply isn’t? I’m not talking about bumping into someone that you simply lost contact with, I mean bumping into someone who hurt you. What would you do?
I’ll set the scene for you.
I was visiting my mum in hospital, only to discover that this ex-friend was working there as a care-giver. We were very close in our teens, doing stupid things, singing badly on trains… Teeny- things really.
Setting the scene a bit more… with a bit of history…
I developed Epilepsy at around fifteen. Back then the seizure frequency wasn’t that bad, but nevertheless I could still have one whenever, wherever. Then came the boy – as always does in these situations. A very protective boyfriend wandered into her life. Then one birthday, can’t remember which but know it was late late teens, we had arranged to go to the cinema or something to celebrate, and she stood me up. After weeks of ignored phone calls, unreturned text messages – I finally got in contact with her. She told me that it was completely my own fault, that she didn’t feel comfortable around me, that the boyfriend wasn’t even sure it was safe, and then generally repeated the phrase that’s stuck in my head all these years ‘It’s your own fault’.
I felt crushed. She was one of the people I could talk to about anything, and as my seizures were getting more frequent and generally worse I needed someone like that in my life. Instead she kicked me when I was down and pretty much told me she didn’t want to be associated with me.
Back to the Hospital
She was walking around the ward my mum was on. As happens in badly written teen movies visiting times seemed to run parallel to her shift. Every time I saw her I just felt ANGRY. How can this girl, that rejected me because of a medical condition, now be caring for people… for my mum! I kept thinking ‘what should I say if she speaks to me’, ‘should I just let it go’, ‘should I be nasty’, ‘should I give her a dirty look’, ‘should I blank her’. It was endless.
And then to top it off – making the whole scenario worse. I had a seizure during the visit, right in front of the Nurse’s Station, whilst all the staff (including HER) were being briefed. Apparently she legged it. It made me feel so weak, as though I had justified her reason for rejecting me.
It is different to seeing an ex-bully, because rather than having had a relationship based on cruelty, we were genuinely close.