When I look on Facebook I see memories.
You see, I loved school. I loved being fifteen and turning sixteen.
And yet once school finished and Sixth Form College was complete, suddenly all these people I was ‘close’ with disappeared from my life. I tried to stay in touch, but then university reared it’s head for most of us and suddenly new social circles emerged with it.
However, university finishes.
The whole time I was studying I tried to stay in contact with a few people at least, cinema trips and meals out, hoping that they would further a relationship with the people I had lost. The cinema trips dried out, making the meals non-existent.
Then one day I woke up and realised that really I have two friends and few acquaintances that I enjoy seeing at certain clubs and groups.
All the friends that made me feel popular and liked back then were merely names and photographs on my laptop. Their numbers weren’t and still aren’t on my phone.
Abandoned has such strong connotations of pain. And looking at their Facebook pages, showing both their individual and group exploits, reading the conversations they have about ‘when we saw each other on Friday’, does hurt. There is no way it can’t hurt. Once I was part of this group and suddenly I’m on the outside.
I can list the reasons that this has happened – but the main one is this – I don’t drink alcohol at all, I never have.
And so I’m not down the pub often at all, I don’t go clubbing or anything.
Slowly the invites to Birthday gatherings down the pub were disappearing. Slowly I was excluded from parties because “you probably wouldn’t enjoy it anyway”. Until eventually I wasn’t even asked to come on days out, because drinking and pubs and clubs might be involved.
I mean “how can you spend the day with them if you don’t drink too?”
And perhaps that is true, but surely that’s a pretty pathetic reason to be abandoned by the people who circled around me when we were teenagers.